Why dating doesn’t work at any age
Dating is awkward because the whole context is a lame pretense at chit chat in order to find someone so you are not alone because our society thinks there is something wrong with being single. If you remain single people will think no one wants you, or something is wrong with you. God forbid!
Or if you are not concerned with the “being single stigma”, dating is a lame pretext to find someone to have sex with:
- because you think you need sex
- or you think you should have sex because that is the norm
- or you think if you don’t have sex regularly your crotch will fall off
- or some silly premise about what you should do, be, or want…
I call this “Archaic-Dating”
All of these old, archaic approaches to dating are agenda based and shallow and miss the whole point of being with another person.
In old fashioned, “Archaic-Dating” there is no context for the date
You go to dinner; maybe you see a movie or a show of some sort and the context is all wrong. It is an artificial set up and you know it is. You may try but you can’t hide this glaring fact from your date or yourself because neither of you is stupid.
Give up dating and start “Segueing” instead
which leads to “Organic-Dating”
A better way to enjoy human company is to go about it in a more organic and natural structure. You want to create situations where you gradually ease into “dating”.
Organic dating is similar to what might happen if we lived in smaller, healthier, more natural communities. But since most of us live in cities, or less than perfect environments, you will have to simulate a natural community artificially.
Invite a person or people to do activities that you are all passionate about. It could be hiking, Karaoke, political campaigns, meditation groups, beached whale rescue… I don’t care what it is just make the focus not about “dating” but doing stuff that you all want to do together.
Groups are organic
Groups are more natural and less focused on dating. Start with group activities and gradually weed down to one person at a time.
Meetup.com is a great place to find people who share your interests and context for living here on earth. They have a fantastic platform for joining groups or creating your own groups on a local level all over the USA. There are thousands of other groups for you if you just start Googling things you are passionate about.
I recommend a two step approach to segueing:
First you find people who are doing activities, or taking classes or volunteering. Second, you gradually figure out who is a good candidate for doing more activities with. You will actually make lots of friends and acquaintances of both sexes first then you will end up finding a date-mate, so to speak.
Yes, this organic approach takes more time than Archaic-Dating but it is well worth it because it works instead of being awkward and lame. You don’t have to worry about when to call back, who calls who or any of that garbage. You have an activity you want to set up and you call around to your acquaintances and set it up.
You have now created a natural context from which to date
Voila! “Organic-Dating”
You will end up sharing a meal after a hike or working on a project. The meal is now a natural outcropping of the other things you are doing together. The meal or dinner has a context, because you are already friends.
So next time someone asks you out say; “I don’t date because that is a lame context-less experience. But I do segue so if you want to do that lets go!”
(Or you can say something a little more normal so they don’t think you are weird. God forbid!)
