Everything For Women Over 40

Someone at the forum at my favorite site, powerful intentions asked what to do about an attraction to a coworker who she knows is not the right man for her. Here is what I said…

I don’t know if this will help… and I know you have all the wisdom within yourself to solve this … but I can’t help giving advice, I’m just a busy body!

Have you read The Power of Now by Tolle?

Your pain boy wants to inflict pain on his pain body

He has a whole chapter on the pain body that is very useful in your situation and another on relationships that is right up your ally. We keep being attracted to the wrong people because we our pain body is being attracted to a similar “vibration” Logically we know this is all wrong but the pain body wants more pain and we think it is “love”.

After the honeymoon phase the arguing starts!

The two pain bodies begin “feeding” on each other through hurt and blame. These energy fields are partly from our parents and partly just from the human collective. They are simply emotions that have formed a clotted stagnant energy pool, that are dormant until someone triggers them.

Stay awake and don’t feed the pain body

By staying awake and aware you can simply watch the pain body and not feed it any longer. Soon it will dissolve and transmute into useful, positive energy and you will wonder why you were ever attracted to this person!

If you’re healthy his pain body will look elsewhere

I bet as you become aware of what is going on this person’s pain body will no longer make advances. He is looking for pain and when his pain body feels you are healthy and will not feed it he will simply go look for someone at his own vibration. The next guy you attract will be way nicer.

There is also a lot of good info on relationships and pain bodies in A New Earth as well.

Good luck and starvation to the pain body!

I was once asked; “What is the most significant thing about you or your life?” I answered instantly that it was that I was born in the United States where we have access to so much more than many places. But really I should have said being born human was the most significant thing in my life and then female and then being born in the USA. Read more »

Zoe in pink ball gown

It’s time to Stop Swimming in the “Sea-of-Should”

There are a lot of unspoken rules in our world. We are a society of sheep-fish swimming in a Sea-of- Should that we can’t even see. These “Shoulds” float around us inexorably and invisibly, tainting every breath we take, every decision we make about ourselves and others and every feeling we experience.

One of the major “Shoulds” about women is the unwritten, unspoken rule that if you are female and single there is something wrong. You should be unhappy about your man-less situation. What have you done to scare him away and what can you do to catch him and keep him?

If you are single and female that is pretty bad.

If you are female, single and over 40 there is double reason to be pitied.

If you are single, female, over 40 and childless wow are you a mess! Read more »

Dating is awkward because the whole context is a lame pretense at chit chat in order to find someone so you are not alone because our society thinks there is something wrong with being single. If you remain single people will think no one wants you, or something is wrong with you. God forbid!

Or if you are not concerned with the “being single stigma”, dating is a lame pretext to find someone to have sex with:

• because you think you need sex

• or you think you should have sex because that is the norm

• or you think if you don’t have sex regularly your crotch will fall off

• or some silly premise about what you should do, be, or want…

I call this “Archaic-Dating”

All of these old, archaic approaches to dating are agenda based and shallow and miss the whole point of being with another person.

In old fashioned, “Archaic-Dating” there is no context for the date

You go to dinner; maybe you see a movie or a show of some sort and the context is all wrong. It is an artificial set up and you know it is. You may try but you can’t hide this glaring fact from your date or yourself because neither of you is stupid.

Give up dating and start “Segueing” instead
which leads to “Organic-Dating”

A better way to enjoy human company is to go about it in a more organic and natural structure. You want to create situations where you gradually ease into “dating”.

Organic dating is similar to what might happen if we lived in smaller, healthier, more natural communities. But since most of us live in cities, or less than perfect environments, you will have to simulate a natural community artificially.

Invite a person or people to do activities that you are all passionate about. It could be hiking, Karaoke, political campaigns, meditation groups, beached whale rescue… I don’t care what it is just make the focus not about “dating” but doing stuff that you all want to do together.

Groups are organic

Groups are more natural and less focused on dating. Start with group activities and gradually weed down to one person at a time.

Meetup.com is a great place to find people who share your interests and context for living here on earth. They have a fantastic platform for joining groups or creating your own groups on a local level all over the USA. There are thousands of other groups for you if you just start Googling things you are passionate about.

I recommend a two step approach to segueing:

First you find people who are doing activities, or taking classes or volunteering. Second, you gradually figure out who is a good candidate for doing more activities with. You will actually make lots of friends and acquaintances of both sexes first then you will end up finding a date-mate, so to speak.

Yes, this organic approach takes more time than Archaic-Dating but it is well worth it because it works instead of being awkward and lame. You don’t have to worry about when to call back, who calls who or any of that garbage. You have an activity you want to set up and you call around to your acquaintances and set it up.

You have now created a natural context from which to date

Voila! “Organic-Dating”

You will end up sharing a meal after a hike or working on a project. The meal is now a natural outcropping of the other things you are doing together. The meal or dinner has a context, because you are already friends.

So next time someone asks you out say; “I don’t date because that is a lame context-less experience. But I do segue so if you want to do that lets go!”

(Or you can say something a little more normal so they don’t think you are weird. God forbid!)